Amy, RN

Bananas, blueberries and yogurt! Oh my!

2009-09-12T14:44:00.003-05:00

Ben is doing fabulously! He will be 11 months old on Friday and is 7.5 months adjusted. He is somewhere between 14.5-15 pounds now. He is eating anywhere from 4-7 oz of milk at a time, eating about 26-30 oz/day. His favorite foods this week are still bananas and yogurt. His favorite concoction is 1/2 mashed banana with a spoonful of mashed blueberries and some of the cereal with yogurt in it. He also discovered he loves elk veggie stew and beef and noodles! He still doesn't have any teeth, but he continues to chew voraciously on anything he finds and he is drooling all over everything!
He continues to fight sleep and is unable to fall asleep without being held. He sleeps til about 5:30 or 6:00am most nights and gets up to eat a bottle and goes back down until 8:00-9:30. We've been taking a walk nearly everyday and he LOVES it! He absolutely loves being outside no matter what we're doing. He continues to crawl backwards and scoot around, but isn't doing much purposeful forward movement yet.

This was where i found him one day! He had backed up about 12 feet and in between the couches! He was happy as a lark since he hadn't tried to figure out how to get out of there :)

We finally got an appointment with the pediatric physical therapist for this week (after a nearly 3 month waiting list!) so we're excited to see what she has to say.

I'm 6 weeks out from my surgery now and down 45 pounds! I can already feel a huge difference in flexibility and its so much easier to play on the floor with Ben. I go back to work this coming weekend and am looking forward to it in some ways, but dreading losing some of this precious time with Ben.

A few more pictures because I can't resist sharing...

Daddy decided to put him in the sink while he was filling up a bottle because Ben was helping a little too much. It proved to be too cute for me to resist.

Holy Cannoli, it's been a long time!

2009-08-21T22:22:00.002-05:00

I'm a horrible blogger. Sorry. :) Ben had his hernias repaired in March, did great, needed some oxygen post-op, but was weaned before coming home so that was awesome. The recovery was minimal and you can hardly see the incisions at all already. He got off the apnea monitor in May which was SOOOO liberating. In June, he got his first head cold which quickly went to an ear infection. I think I ended up with a few gray hairs worrying on that one. He got some IM and PO antibiotics and it stayed out of his lungs though, Praise God. He turned 10 months old the other day and is 13 # 7 oz!! He is not close to being on any growth curves, actual or adjusted age. :) He is so strong though, he started trying really hard to sit up in late June/early July and is doing it great now. He rolled over from his belly to his back several months ago but didn't roll onto his belly until early August. The kid hates being on his belly except to sleep at night. He wants to be standing up, thank you very much. :) He's very quick to smile and has a belly laugh that his daddy calls his Reven.ge of the Ner.ds laugh. It's pretty cute. He loves to eat yogurt or peaches and bananas or sweet potatoes. He will eat peas, green beans, carrots and zucchini as well but he'd really rather it be sweet potatoes. His reflux is 300% percent better, with only the rare spit-up and he's working really hard to figure out how to hold his own bottle. He's an independent one, that's for sure. He loves his cousin Hadley and lights up when he sees her or his Nana. He's also started getting really excited when he hears Daddy come home from work. He absolutely loves being outside, that will calm him down 98% of the time if he's frustrated. He is our joy, a true miracle.

I've been off work about 6 weeks now due to having Gast.ric B.ypass surgery the end of July so I've gotten to spend a lot of time with him. I only have about 3 more weeks before I have to go back to work and while I'm looking forward to some things because I miss my work friends and the stimulation, I have truly enjoyed all this extra time with Ben.

I'm beat and going to bed since he might be hollering at me soon. His teeth have been waking him up at night. None have come through yet, but he's been drooling and chewing on everything in sight for about 2 months now.

Hopefully I will keep this up better. If not, see you in October ;)

2009-03-15T23:53:00.003-05:00

Like everyone else, due to budget cuts we've been a lot stingier with staffing lately which means we're putting nurses and scrub techs on standby a lot lately. I enjoyed it by being put on Friday night, which was great since I hadn't gotten but about 2 hours of sleep overnight with Ben and didn't get to catch a nap during the day either. So when they called and offered it to me I didn't miss a beat.

Last night was a good night. We were again furloughed down to minimum staffing (4 RNs) but it was fine. We only had one pretermer on Mag, a spontaneous laborer, a R/O SROM and a R/O Flu. The last one was found to be positive for Flu A pretty quick after our shift started so I stayed the hell away from her room since Ben's surgery is this week. Even though I had the flu shot I still didn't want to take any chances. We had a nurse orienting last night and her preceptor had called in sick so I was in charge of her as well as the unit. We took the labor patient for the experience and it worked out wonderfully!

Since I took the charge position last July I'm now in charge EVERY time I go to work. Most of the time I like it because my personality meshes well with wanting to call the shots, decision making and critical thinking skills. I think I do a good job, and many nurses tell me they like working when I'm in charge because I'm confident, fair and don't hesitate to stand up to the docs or the nurses if need be. The main drawback to this job assignment is that I rarely "get" laborers anymore because in an ideal world I'd never take a patient assignment when I was "stuck" in a patient room for longer than 30 minutes at a time, in order to know what else is going on in the unit. So, unless its a crazy night where we all have labor patients, I tend to take the pretermers, or other lower acuity patients. I miss the laborers sometimes. I still get to "help" with them, by relieving someone so they can grab a break, or still be in the delivery since we send in another RN to receive the baby, but it's not the same.

Last night our patient was in spontaneous early labor, a multip. She was married and spouse was very nice and very supportive. She didn't want anything for pain control and was in total control, most of the time. I love taking care of these patients. It was fun teaching the new RN how to marry our two needs, her need to be free to move and our need to monitor baby. We got her up to walk the halls with periodic returns to the room for monitoring until she got into transition and then we put her on telemetry monitors in the room and used the straddle chair, jacuzzi, etc. We advocated for the patient when she wanted to be free of the IV (her provider was a doc rather than a midwive, which would have been more in line with her wants but a little late for that!) and when she wanted to wait for SROM rather than be ruptured artificially. She had her delivery, the way she wanted it and we were lucky enough to be invited along. It was a surprise what they were having and when Dad announced it they burst into tears because the little girl made their family two boys and now two girls which their other daughter had been praying for fervently all pregnancy!

What a great night! I'm back again tomorrow night and then off for Ben's hernia repair this week so I'm off until Sunday when hopefully they'll put me on standby again because I wanted to take the night off but couldn't find coverage.

IUD and other updates

2009-03-11T16:05:00.006-05:00

Since I quit pumping about a month ago my doctor said I could go ahead and get the Mir.ena IUD. (He won't place it in a postpartum woman who's breastfeeding until 6 months due to increase chance of migration.) Before he inserted the Mir.ena he opened my cervix with a device to make sure it would "go through." This was by far the worst part for me because it immediately caused my uterus to go into one huge cramp that persisted then while he placed the Mir.ena. It only took about 20 seconds or so to place it but man was I cramping horribly. The urgency of it reminded me of diarrhea cramps because it just came out of nowhere and became so debilitating. I took some Ibu.profen and checked out of the office. I wish now that I would have taken some before my appointment; I think that would have really helped. I'm thrilled about the low-maintenance birth control though! I had been taking the Progest.in only pills and HATED them. If you take them more than 2 hours off from your set time each day they are inneffective and you need to use backup for 48 hours! If I got more than 4 hours off I started spotting and it would take at least 10 days of immaculate pill-taking to get it to stop so I pretty much had a light period the entire time I was on them. I wish now I just wouldn't have even bothered with them. Oh well though!

Ben is doing great. We have been home for 2 months tomorrow! He's been off the oxygen for a month and rarely sets off the alarms on his apnea monitor. His alarms are always of the bradycardia type as a result of reflux. All but about 2-3 of them since we've been home have been while he's eating so we could have seen that he needed help without the aid of the monitor but a few times he's choked up on reflux about an hour or two after he's eaten at night while sleeping so those are a little scary. I'm not sure how long they'll leave us on the monitor. At one point someone threw out "a month with no alarms" as how to know when we're ready to graduate.

He is scheduled for surgery to repair his bilateral inguinal hernias next week. They will be done at the hospital I work at, the same one he spent his 86 days in the NICU. He will be readmitted under NICU care so they will do all his pre-op (IV, intubation, etc) and then the RN, Dr. and RT will attend surgery so that's a big relief to me! He will most likely stay at least one night and then we'll be back home. Hopefully he will be able to be extubated quickly and not need supplemental oxygen again. We are hoping this makes his belly feel better to get his intestines back where they belong and his gas issues will improve and his pediatrician says that a lot of times reflux is improved post surgery as well so that would be fabulous! He is on Preva.cid twice daily for that and we are using the formula thickened with rice cereal. We tried adding the cereal to my pumped milk but we couldn't get the consistency right. It was either hanging up in the nipple and frustrating him endlessly or coming out too quickly and choking him up leading to more bradycardic episodes. So, we're doing the formula for a month or two until he can tolerate the thinner liquids again.

He's a wonderful baby, loves to be snuggled, and a pretty good sleeper, all subject to change at a moments notice I know. He's up to 7 pounds finally! We are still home-bound which I've discovered is a great way to make me look forward to going to work since it's my only socialization. We hope to be able to go out and about in the next month or so.

I hope to get back into this. I have a lot of time at home right now and I just typed this whole entry with one hand so...no excuses, right?

Delivered

2008-10-27T00:10:00.002-05:00

I had Ben on Saturday October 18 at 2034 for severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP. The epigastric pain came back on Saturday morning and no amount of pain medication could relieve it or even touch it actually. My enzymes shot through the roof and my platelets started dropping about 40K every 4 hours so we proceeded with delivery before it became a crash. He cried at delivery, apgared 5/9, weighed 1# 5.2 oz and was 12 inches long. He is doing as well as can be expected. For further updates visit http://www.carepages.com/carepages/benball

Bedrest

2008-10-17T19:42:00.002-05:00

I'm 25 5/7 weeks pregnant and in the hospital on bedrest with pre-eclampsia. :( Developed severe epigastric pain, thought it was gas or heartburn or somesuch but alas my uric acid was 7.8, SGOT/SGPT were both around 100, and 24 hour urine was 6600 or so. :( Demerol relieved the pain and it hasn't come back yet. My doppler studies on baby were good but my uterine artery was restricted (but didn't have reverse flows) My BP is high but not too high so I'm just hanging out for right now, getting blood draws every 12 to check platelets (hanging around 170) and liver enzymes (down to almost normal ranges). We recheck dopplers Monday.

Blast from the Past

2008-06-10T02:20:00.003-05:00

I recently took care of a young woman who was a Cervidil induction on the night shift for "postdates." When I first entered the room she looked familiar and I commented on that and she smiled and told me that I had taken care of a family member of hers and she translated for us. I told her thank you again for translating! Even though we have to use a hospital translator for the official business it sure is nice when non-English speaking patients have a translator with them. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I went on with my assessment, putting in her INT, etc without a second thought...

A few hours later on one of my visits to her room her family was there visiting. They had an infant with them that smiled at me and several of them said things along the lines of "do you remember her?" Right. Like I'm going to recognize a baby 3 or 6 or 9 months or more after I circulate the delivery. They must think I'm amazing! :) I smiled at all of them, cooed at the baby and went to my other patient's room, again without a second thought.

About 10 minutes later it hits me. This family member was not just "any patient." I SHOULD remember the situation. The mother of that infant was not one of the several young women in there but the older woman sitting in the chair, the one with chronic hypertension among other risk factors. The one who PPROM-ed and hung out with us for a week or two. The one I was taking care of when she suddenly complained of being blind. The one who's pressures were fine for her at that time without headache, brisk reflexes or other symptoms. The one who's eyes tracked a pen light. The one who went into preterm labor and delivered a few hours later. The one who convinced her nurse that she truly was blind but we could not convince the doctor that night. The one who ended up with a postpartum hemorrhage and went to ICU where she spent several days on all kinds of medication trying to figure out why the frig she was blind??? She can see now thank God. I went back down there and gave her a hug and told her that YES, I did remember that little girl after all.

Doctor's Orders

2008-06-09T01:21:00.004-05:00

Many of our scheduled inductions come in at 0500. We change shifts at 0600 so I barely get a chance to know these women before handing them off. On a good day I can get her in and out of the bathroom, to bed, monitors on, vitals taken, consents signed, IV in and complete physical assessment complete before 0545 when report starts. If I don't then she ends up not getting her pitocin started until at least 0700 for one reason or another. (This is a whole other post that I'll address sometime.) So, I tend to try to be as efficient as possible. Everyone once in a while we'll get a real kink thrown in like someone wanting an enema, an extremely complicated medical history, tough IV start, etc. I do my best to get them going as quickly as possible without them knowing that I'm busting my ass to get their crap done!

I was starting an induction the other day and she asked me if she could have something to drink. I told her that her doctor usually preferred that patients just have ice chips but that I could probably get her a glass of water if she needed one.

Now, there are a couple reasons that I would go "against" doctor's orders in this case.
#1 One small glass of water is no different than ice chips; I wasn't offering her a Big Gulp :)
#2 She was having her third baby in 5 years, one of which was almost 9 pounds so she had a fairly significant proven pelvis as opposed to a first timer.
Now, if a mom is trying to VBAC, has a known risk factor such as history of shoulder dystocia, IUGR or diabetes, I would have refused her the water and just given her the ice chips. I promise I have a point. :)

A few minutes later I'm signing consents with them and we go to have her husband sign one of them and I find out they are under our hospital's insurance...so I dumbly say "so where do you work?" And he tells me he is one of our hospital's physicians...in a specialty we rarely if ever even consult with. Oops.

No doctor, we nurses don't ever offer your patients something against your orders. :)

One for the record books

2008-05-29T17:40:00.003-05:00

I just worked 6p-6a three nights in a row and I am dragging ass. About an hour before shift change a few nights ago we had a nurse on Postpartum call us and ask us to come help her out. She was taking care of a 38 weeker with pneumonia who's O2 sats were getting progressively worse through the night. She was trying to get fetal heart tones and having trouble. I go out there and RT is there ready to set her up on BiPap, I get heart tones in the 80's with maternal in the 140's, call back to my girls, tell them to get a room ready and call the doc on call and start unplugging crap. We get her back to the birthing center and RT is setting her up on the BiPap and her sats were running 78-80. When the BiPap got tweaked her sats went up to low 90s and baby recovered nicely. When the pulmonologist got there he decided she needed to be on a vent in ICU so we did rapid sequence intubation and moved her upstairs. We had two L&D nurses, an OB doc, the pulmonologist, three RT's, two PP nurses, an ER nurse, the ICU charge nurse and the house supervisor helping out. Once we got upstairs and set up the fetal monitor baby was having some lates and then resolved, she was determined to have pulmonary edema, cardiomyopathy with an ejection fraction less than 50%, and pneumonia. They decided to induce the baby with pitocin so they could treat her problems without the worry of influence on baby. We delivered a baby vaginally in ICU with mom on a vent, how freaking crazy is that?

Standby

2008-05-20T00:47:00.002-05:00

I'm on standby tonight. The census was down at shift change and I had requested to stay home to watch Cameron (my friends' 8 year old daughter) in her 2nd grade play tonight. Of course I wanted to go in around 2200 so I wouldn't be out of a whole shift's pay but census was still down and no one else wanted to go home, so I was stuck at home. Of course I've done nothing purposeful but read blogs and send email. :) I really need to do laundry and sweep and clean the bathroom and clean off the desk and clean out the closet to make room for summer clothes...

I was reading another L&D nurse's blog and she was talking about how in times of pain you will agree to nearly anything. A few months ago one of my good friends at work (Susan) was taking care of a hispanic woman who did not speak English but her husband did. We had the hospital translator come in for the initial assessment and consents, etc but for most things the husband translated and they got along fine. She decided she wanted to get a block, which is rare for most of our hispanic population btw. They most often use a few doses of Stadol but rarely get an Epidural or Spinal. This young woman was hurting and requested the epidural. Susan called the translator and explained the procedure and how it was done, etc and got verbal consent. The block was placed and worked beautifully. A few hours later the husband and wife were talking and then the husband turned to Susan and asked, "now will she paralyzed from the chest down forever or just her legs?" ????? Susan hurriedly explained that the block was temporary, that it could be shut off and feeling would return. This poor young woman was hurting so badly that she was willing to accept what she thought would be permanent paralysis just to remove the pain. Sure makes us all explain better what we thought was already understood! :)

the black hallway

2008-05-16T17:46:00.003-05:00

Last night we had one hallway full of incredibly emotionally depressing situations. We had a 19 week demise with the patient and her significant other arguing the entire time about who's fault it was. We had a 30 week twins with suspected fetal hydrops that spent the entire night being justifiably frightened about her baby's future. The worst for me though was a nurse who had spent the past 4 years trying to get pregnant, using pergonal and IUI and had just found out yesterday in the office that she had lost her 17 week twins.
Depressing

Shoulder Dystocia

2008-05-14T13:37:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago we had a non-English speaking woman come in for induction. Her midwife had told her that she recommended a C/Section due to her last delivery being a bad shoulder dystocia (risk factor #1). The patient refused and they proceeded to induce her early in the hopes of preventing a replay. She progressed very very slowly (risk factor #2) and went into the next shift where "worry-wart midwife" took over care. She and the new physician on call talked to her several times about risks. She wanted to continue on vaginally. Everyone (the physican, NICU, anesthesiologist, scrub tech, and all the nurses on that night) was notified of the potential problem. She got complete and started pushing. Now, keep in mind she is a multip without a block. Normally pushing doesn't take very long. We kept the interpreter at bedside (which pissed her off). When she got crowned up we had a circulating RN, two other Birthing Center RN's, a scrub tech, the physician and Respiratory Therapy at bedside. She pushed and pushed and pushed and the head inched out (risk factor #3). She was reminded of the plan of care. It was horrible. I was up on my stool WAY before the head delivered, ready to start suprapubic pressure. McRoberts had already been done and I started suprapubic with the complete delivery of the head. I rocked on that pelvis for what seemed like forever, stopping at the physician's direction (the midwife handed over care midway through the delivery of the head when we all realized that it WAS going to be a replay of her last experience). He ended up delivering the posterior arm, breaking the humerus in the process and baby went straight to NICU. The physician told her again that she should NEVER have another vaginal delivery. We'll see.

Float

2008-05-12T23:57:00.002-05:00

I got floated last night. This is a big source of contention in our department since we have to help staff our "sister" units (Postpartum, Nursery, NICU, Pediatrics), but when we are slammed they don't have to help us. They can put nurses on furlough even if we are dying. This PISSES ME OFF! So, NICU "had the numbers" for one more nurse, so since we had only a delivered on Mag and a rule out SROM and 5 nurses we had to float. It was my turn since I hadn't gone in a few months. I refused to float to NICU because I'm not trained for them and I am not going to make myself that kind of liable so I floated to Nursery and they had to float a nurse to NICU which pissed them off as well. So, we were a happy bunch all around last night :)
It was a long night too because I had been up since 0700 for church without a nap and the slow pace of the nursery does little to stimulate me. All the girls wanted to talk about was tornado damage which got old. I hate that so many lost their lives but I also don't feel like us gossiping about what we heard and what this ER nurse or that surgery nurse saw or did or whatever.
At least I won't be up to float again for a while (hopefully).

The plan

2008-05-09T17:21:00.004-05:00

I went to my OB today. Since I work in the Birthing Center I work very closely with 9 different doctors and 6 different midwives so deciding who to go to was difficult. My first visit was with one of our most likable midwives because I like the midwife style of care and the doctors over her are the best in case I'd have to have a scheduled C-section at some point. After the first visit (she ran labs and diagnosed me with PCOS but "forgot" to call me and I found out when I called and talked to her nurse who just gave said "well, she diagnosed you with PCOS and wants you to start taking glucophage and go on a diabetic diet." This irritated me a lot, so I switched to my favorite doctor in her practice. I chose my doctor because he is very very professional, very conservative and has never questioned me if I call him at 0200 to come evaluate a patient because I just feel like he should. I'd want that if he were my doctor and I needed to be seen. I think I will miss the midwife attentiveness and coddling a little bit, but overall I think it's a good decision.

Since I've been diagnosed with PCOS I've been on glucophage for a little over 2 months. I've had one period and missed one. I'm currently 2 days late right now with a negative home test. I had a followup appt on Friday and he said that although we can't diagnose infertility until we've been unsuccessful for a year if I'm not having periods, what's the point? It's not going to work. So...he feels like that coupled with my age and diagnosis the best bet is that if I have a period in the next 10 days, great, we'll wait and see if the glucophage is helping. If not, he's going to put me on prometrium to have a period and then start Clomid.

I don't know whether I'm rooting for a period or not.

2008-04-12T17:18:00.002-05:00

Last night was a mess. I took care of a poor young girl who was involved with a very very angry young man. He had threatened to kill her sister so the sister had a restraining order against him which meant the two of them couldn't be in the room at the same time. The girl was in tears because her support people couldn't get along when they needed to be supporting her instead of being so selfish. I wanted to kick all of them out of the room for her.

I also received a baby with a fairly significant birth defect last night. It had been detected on the ultrasound but they were in no way prepared for the physical appearance of their baby. Watching them gradually adjust to his appearance hurt, and watching their hopes for a "normal" baby be washed away hurt.

In more exciting news, I weighed myself and I weighed 367.8, down at least 4 pounds!!!

I haven't worked out since Tuesday night but Wednesday night rained and rained all night and I worked Thurs/Fri and I only work out under the cover of darkness ;)

Friday:
1/2 peanut butter sandwich: 8 points
2 pringles snack stix: 4
apple: 1
2 applesauce: 4
ham/cheese sandwich with mustard/mayo: 14 points
pretzel rods: 4
fruit bar: 1
jolly rancher: 1??
Total: 37

Saturday (so far):
pineapple: 1
grapes: 1
strawberries: 1
scrambled eggs: 2

Tonight we're going out to eat with my brother, sister-in-law and my parents to a local restaurant that we saw on the Food NEtwork. Very excited. Flex points!!!

Premonition or weird coincidence?

2007-01-22T08:04:00.000-06:00

Saturday night I had a weird dream that I had a baby boy but that he didn't do well. My coworkers took him from the room to work on him (unheard of, NICU sometimes takes them but never Birthing Center nurses). He didn't make it I dont think.
Last night I got a patient who came down with decreased fetal movement. Couldnt find heart tones. Called in doc to ultrasound. No heart tones. It sucked. She was only 4 weeks early. I cried with her when radiology had to come down and verify that her little boy had died before we started the induction. It was horrible. And yet I think dreaming that I lost my little boy made me "feel" her pain more. Is that stupid?
This is the second time I have had to do this in 2 weeks. I hate hate hate hate this part of the job. I just want to tell them everything will be fine but it won't. It feels wrong to just keep saying "i'm so sorry for your loss" when you want to cuss and guess with them what might have gone wrong. It sucks to have no answers for them. It sucks that some people have 6 kids by the time they're 21 and others can't get one to live.
Some things about life just suck.

A box of Marlboro Ultra Light 100's please....

2007-01-19T00:57:00.000-06:00

Zoot posted today about how she's an ex-smoker and it got me to thinking again about smoking. . .

Who am I kidding? I only quit October 1st. I'm still thinking about smoking, I never quit thinking about smoking. What would happen if I just smoked one? Man I'd feel good if I had one. I'm so stressed out, etc etc etc. But, in honor of not smoking I'm going to list as many awesome reasons not to smoke that I can think of:

(1) my clothes don't stink
(2) my breath doesn't stink
(3) my hand doesn't stink (I still sometimes pull it away when Josh goes to kiss it b/c I'm afraid it stinks, old habits die hard I guess)
(4) more cash to spend on shoes
(5) supposedly healthier (yet to see that!)
(6) no more wheezing when climbing stairs at work (still beats me up but that's the extra cellulose i'm hauling around)
(7) can ride places with other people without wishing I were in my car to smoke
(8) no rain coming in window b/c i need it cracked to smoke
(9) don't have 12 trillion ashes on my dash
(10) don't have 12 trillion empty cigarette boxes in my car
(11) can pay at the pump and get going without having to go inside to buy more cigarettes
(12) i can fully judge those stinky people at work who come in smelling like cigarette smoke without feeling like a hypocrite ;)
(13) I can say, yep I quit smoking
(14) No more dirty ashtrays sitting next to my computer or couch, etc
(15) less money spent on gum, breath mints, febreeze, etc

I'm sure there are a million more. But it's still a hard habit to shake. And reading the comments on Zoot's entry lets me know that it doesnt get much easier. I don't quit wanting one. I just have to stand strong. It's just hard b/c sometimes I still think of myself as a smoker. I relate to the girls at work who just want to be dismissed so they can get a cigarette even tho I know that it is horrible for their babies. I understand the pull. I understand the attraction. I understand the myopia once you think about smoking that cigarette.

Toasters, Blenders and Towels

2007-01-08T22:10:00.000-06:00

So Josh and I are getting ready to register for wedding gifts. I always thought this would be fun, but I'm not enjoying it as much as I had hoped. For one, I am going to be 30 years old in just a few weeks. So, it's not as though I'm still using a total mis-matched group of everything. Somewhere over the last 12 years I have bought some things for myself. A set of plates here, silverware there, mixing bowls, microwaves, glassware, coffepot, pots and pans. Josh is 26 and loves to cook. So, he has quite a few things accumulated as well. So, between the two of us we are not exactly hard up for housewares. So, what do we register for? How do we ask for cash without sounding rude? My house is the size of a postage stamp with 1.5 closets. I do not have room for extras. If I register for plates then I need to get rid of mine. Who wants them? They're nice but nothing fabulous. Do I haul a bunch of perfectly fine stuff to Goodwill just because I needed to put down something tangible to get as wedding presents??? All I really really want is that $400 kitchenaid mixer. Who's going to get me that? We'll see I guess, maybe it will be easier in person than it seems online to come up with enough things to register for. I'd really rather have the cash.

It's over, that's the only good thing I can say

2006-12-20T09:57:00.000-06:00

So, I worked again last night. Our induction schedule has been crazy lately supposedly because the docs and midwives dont want their patients to come in spontaneously on Christmas and the patients all want to be delivered before Christmas as well, so what do we do? We schedule them. Now, usually we have anwhere from 1-6 pit inductions scheduled for day shift and then usually at least one cytotec induction for night shift that is then "pitted" the next day. But, last night we had our usual leftover day induction who hadn't delivered yet but was progressing, one who had been a cytotec, then a pit, but didnt change so they were going to cytotec her again on night shift, 2 scheduled pit inductions (very unusual), a cytotec, 2 rule-out (r/o) labor observation patients, a transfer preterm rupture from a local smaller hospital and 3 long-term premature rupture (PROM) patients, 2 of whom were stable at the moment. Scheduled staffing was 6 nurses and a scrub tech. One RN called in sick so our boss stayed until ten, when one brave day shifter said she could come back if she could just go take a quick nap! So, our assignments were: Charge RN (20+ yrs experience): 2 stable PROMs and one cytotec, Whiny RN (3 yrs): unstable PROM and transfer, Pregnant RN (1 yr): pit induction just starting, Pretty RN (1 yr) pit induction just starting, Boss RN (10 yrs): leftover pit and Me (5 months) 2 r/o observes and the "re-cytotec." I got one of my observes out within the hour, one was scheduled to be rechecked at 1930, I got my cytotec girl dosed (of course she didnt speak any English and was diabetic so I was running the glucose management protocol on her, of which I had done ONCE). Another patient came down and I was up since I was supposedly the "least busy" of all of them. She was another rule-out, I got her written up while Boss RN got her baby delivered and Charge RN was her baby nurse. It was hectic but we were doing okay for the moment. Another observe came down, Boss RN got her written up while I got my other observe rechecked and out the door. Boss RN's girl ended up being a 6 cm admit so guess who got her, yep, me. :) The transfer ended up laboring and they werent stopping her so Whiny never came out of her room, I was trying to manage the non-English diabetic cytotec (NEDC) and the new admit when the NEDC called out and her water had broken spontaneously (of course she was poly so there was amniotic fluid EVERYWHERE!). I called the provider because I was due to redose the cytotec and they said to go ahead, so I did and of course that kicked her into active labor and she quickly progressed to a 5-6 with nice variables. My other laborer was GBS+ so were trying to hold her off until we could get the 2nd dose of antibiotics in and she got an epidural so she was slowly progressing without any augmentation from us. Boss RN admitted another laborer just as Day Shift RN came in to relieve her and then Pretty RN admitted another spontaneous rupture to add to her assignment. It was crap. And no one was progressing. We had all labor rooms full, all of us (except Charge RN) had at least one laborer. I checked my epidural girl and she was 8-9 and my NEDC was 6-7. I had variables in one room and lates developing in the other when I finally handed off one pt to Day Shift RN since her pt was still in early labor. I had a shift change delivery (of course!) and had to stay until 2 hours afterward trying to chart on both laborers and the observes who I had long since forgotten about. Details have of course been changed to protect privacy. I left wondering whether I would ever go back :) It's a good thing I'm taking PTO next week for 2 shifts.

I'm down with labor

2006-10-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

So, I'm off orientation officially in Labor & Delivery. I still feel like an incompetent moron. And all the nurses keep telling me I'm doing great and no worries and I'm the best new one they've seen in years or ever or crap like that. And, rather than feeling honored and reassured I find myself thinking WHAT THE HELL?! I feel retarded. I have no idea how to do so many things. When I'm elbow deep I have trouble remembering what a 5 feels like, I can't estimate station to save my soul, I'm not sure yet when to get terribly alarmed about fetal bradycardia b/c I seem to keep over-reacting in other's opinions, etc, etc, etc. So if I'm the best, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF INCOMPETENT NURSES ARE THEY TURNING LOOSE OUT THERE? Anyway, had a frustrating pt and family last night on my first official night off orientation. Teenage mom, newly married to a boy who was 18 going on 12, both sets of parents there, a shitty strip, no pain tolerance. Luckily I work with an awesome bunch of girls who are SOO much help and very supportive. But, that doesnt remove the fact that at about 0200 I was ready to take a job cleaning toilets in a nursing home. So, who knows. Even on the good nights I'm not sure I like L&D like I thought I would. Did I like postpartum that much more or do I just like it more now because I don't feel retarded out there??
But, I can at least find a cervix now......usually.

Journey to the Cervix

2006-09-05T21:58:00.000-05:00

So, I started back in Labor and Delivery. I'm a little stressed because while I have been learning how to stick my hand in women's twats to determine how close to delivery they are, I can find the baby's head, but I cannot find the cervix itself. I know it's there. My preceptor says its there. But, I cannot tell what I'm feeling. It's very frustrating. And, I would imagine it's very frustrating for the poor girls that I'm becoming very personally acquainted with.

Man, am i behind or what?

2006-08-29T20:47:00.000-05:00

I have so many things I should have been posting so I don't forget them. I started work in an obstetrics unit in late June. Since then I have seen a mother with scratch marks all over her legs from her pet squirrel (but she built a cage so it won't hurt the new baby!!), a mother who delivered a mascara brush along with her baby (she had no idea how that could have gotten there!), an Asian woman with the biggest nipples I have ever seen (we're talking diameter bigger than a silver dollar and projecting at least 1.5 inches) and more poop and golfball sized projectile blood clots than you would ever imagine.

I really need to share this stuff...

I have weird notions of what makes a day "fun"

2006-06-15T20:09:00.000-05:00

So, I had to run over to town for a few things yesterday afternoon. I was going up the street and a guy had a motorcycle accident right in front of me. He ran up the back end of a small car and did a few ESPN Ocho worthy flips. Got the adrenaline pumping. I pull over, slam the car into park, hit the hazards and run up there. He is writhing around freaking out. I yell at a girl to call 911 and hold the guy in C-spine and try to talk to him. Others are standing around helping, and a few are down on the pavement w/ me. We get him sort-of calmed down and I find out what his medical history is, what meds he takes, what his allergies are, his name, age, etc in case he passes out before EMS gets there. He's bleeding a little but nothing too bad and says he cant feel one shoulder. He is easily 25 ft from where his bike is laying in a crumpled mess. His wife(?) shows up and yells at him for wrecking the bike. Bitch was lucky I was holding C-spine and couldn't bitch-slap her. The police and ambulance got there remarkably fast and we handed him off to their care and I gave a quick statement and went on down the road and was shopping at Old Navy within 15 minutes. Kinda weird since my pulse was still pretty influenced by the adrenaline. Gave me a serious rush, which I kinda enjoyed. I don't want to ever work on the ambulance but ER would definitely be fun someday.

Miss me?

2006-05-04T17:16:00.000-05:00

So, long time no post. Anyway, enough of that. Moving on, here's the update:

Things with Josh are still going very very well. He is amazing. And cute :)
He is everything I always wanted, with the exception of unlimited backrubs, which I can live without. We are spending nearly every evening together which is fabulous. Of course, looming on the horizon is the chance that he will get switched to 2nd shift (3-11p) which will put a serious damper on the schedule. Luckily (for me) right now he is working 3rd shift (11p-7a) which means we can eat dinner together, etc after I get home and before he goes to work. The other schedule would limit our time together to my days off and weekends, which is do-able, but not as convenient.

I got a new dog, Humphrey. 1/2 golden retriever, 1/2 bull mastiff. I know, I'm nuts. But, he is so cute. And he is totally an outside dog. He will be my guard dog. And yes, I know he looks like a rotweiller. (and, for those of you keeping score, I now have Humphrey and Bogart, aka Bogey, cheesy, I know)

I'm almost done with school. Today was my last day of clinicals, E.V.E.R!! And, I would just like to say that I made it all the way through nursing school without ever giving an enema. Amen.
I have one more unit test next Tuesday. A quiz Wednesday. My final the next Thursday. And. that. is. it. Woo hoo. I am SOOOOO ready to be done. Pinning is the 24th and I will officially be done with the nursing program. It's been a fun ride. But, I'm ready to close this chapter.I am diggin' the new job. So far I'm still training so I'm working days, not my preference. And only doing post-partum, pediatrics and post-surgery (hysterectomy, etc, mainly "female" surgeries unless the hospital is really full), also not my first preference, but soon and very soon I will be training for Labor and Nursery which will rock. But, even though I'm doing the "not my preference" part, I still really really really like the job. So, that's good. And, I'm learning what to do, so I feel less stupid, which is also good. I figure it'll be at least a year before I feel halfway independent in the job, so this is a normal feeling.

The situation on the friends, not so good. Filed for divorce, should be final after the 16th of May. A real mess. She and I will never be friends again, that's for sure.

Well, I can't really think of anything else and I think this is enough of an update for now. See you in another 2 months. ;)

Bliss

2006-03-18T16:13:00.000-06:00

Did I mention how much I like this guy???

Just checking....

So where have I been?

2006-03-14T02:12:00.000-06:00

Man oh man. My life has taken a turn for the fabulous. :) The date from March 4...he is wonderful. We have spent 5 of the last 10 nights together. Not *that* kind of "nights", get your mind out of the gutter. There are no games, total honesty about what we are feeling and thinking. He is as crazy about me as I am about him. And, not only can the man cook and clean (in fact, he is in charge of dinner tomorrow night, of his own volition), but he thinks he should. And I know that men say things they don't mean (news flash!) when in a new relationship, but this guy is so damned genuine. I made him cookies this afternoon and you'd have thought I gave him a new car or something. He likes my dog, he likes me, and we are meeting each other's families this weekend (not at the same time, different functions). I. am. smitten.

Oh yeah, and school is decent, my grandma is doing better and my car is still working, but who really cares about those things? ;)

Moving on up.....

2006-03-02T01:11:00.000-06:00

I haven't written anything because my week has sucked. My car was still in the shop, my grandma has been in the hospital for 8 days, my teacher is a moron, I had quit my old job and still had not received my temporary license to start the new one, my dog puked on my down comforter (again!) and my best friends are seriously considering divorcing. I'm starting to sound like a country song.

The friends are still as serious as ever about divorcing and my teacher is still a moron. But, this post is about happy things so I will not go there.

However, some things are getting better. My car is fixed. (I will not go into the negative aspects of this for the moment, we will just dwell in the land of "yay! the car is fixed!"). My grandma is home (of course she has lost nearly all mental clarity in the process of the hospitalization, but again, let's celebrate the small victories). My comforter is washed and back on the bed. I got my temporary LPN license today so I can (hopefully) start orientation next week. And, the topper for my day is that I have a date for Saturday night. With a nice employed man who does not like cats but likes me (so far). It's funny how my priorities have changed over the years.

So, I am going to bed before things start to deteriorate again. I have clinicals at the ass-crack of dawn. I am watching heart surgeries in the morning and doing patient care in ICU in the afternoon. I'm just hoping to take care of a living patient this time.

Reason #582 why I want to work in OB:

2006-02-24T01:11:00.000-06:00

Clinicals today. Critical care. I was in Cardiovascular ICU. My. Day. Sucked.

I spent all day taking care of a (brain) dead guy. He coded yesterday morning, was down (meaning, no pulse, no oxygen to lungs) for AT LEAST 30 minutes before EMS shocked him. They were able to restart his heart, but I'm afraid that our brain likes to get oxygen on a bit more regular basis than that. The guy was/is toast. Pupils fixed, flat EEG, and yet, b/c our system is screwed up I spent all day giving him meds (thru a tube of course), managing his ventilator, arranging for his dialysis, etc, etc, etc. very futile. And as if that weren't fun enough he was positive for c-diff, a very gross infection in poop (and if you think regular poop is gross, imagine the fun that dead bowels can create) that makes for a stinky day and is highly contagious and he was positive for hep C.

On the bright side though (and I don't mean this to sound disrespectful to the man), it's much easier to learn how to do things on a guy who doesn't respond or get anxious when you try new things.

I have my last day in home health on Saturday. Of course my temporary license hasn't showed up yet, so I can't start training in the new job yet, so I may have a bit of a hiatus. Oh well. What's another week without a decent paycheck? One of the girls in my class that I really really enjoy has interviewed for a full-time RN position in the same department I will be working in. To start after we pass boards of course. I hope she gets the position. She is a great nurse and a great friend, one I would love to work with.

I'm smokin' hot with a sore hand (but it has a pretty ring on it!!!)

2006-02-17T00:10:00.000-06:00

So, my mom clipped this cartoon out of the paper and gave it to me recently. Think it's a hint?
However, she redeemed herself by giving me this for Valentine's Day. I'd take a picture of the ring on my finger where it is infinitely more beautiful, but the dog chewed through the cord that charges the battery of the camera....good thing it wasn't plugged in I guess.

Also, am I classified as a super-duper-mega nerd if I just happened to keep an extra IV catheter from clinicals today and used it to practice starting an IV on myself tonight??? Good thing I didn't do that then. *wink, wink* But, if I had, I bet I could have gotten it on the first try. And damn, I bet it would hurt a lot more than I originally thought it would. Little prick, my ass. I don't think I'll ever grumble under my breath again when patients whine that it hurts when nurses go digging around for veins. Or use the words "just a little poke."

Meltdown

2006-02-14T19:09:00.000-06:00

I got the job. Life is good on that front.

I am working on my workbook pages for class. I feel like a moron saying that. I swear, my teacher is a taco short of a combo platter. We seriously spend 3 hours every Tuesday and Wednesday highlighting sentences in the book. She says "turn to page 279, left column, 3rd paragraph down, highlight the sentence starting with "In patients taking digoxin...." I'm pretty sure that's not "teaching."

There's some other crap going down at school. The short version is that in our program, the pass rate for boards has drastically declined over the past 3 or so years (from 90+% to around 70%), their method of solving it is to flunk everyone in our class that has lower than an 83-84 so they don't get to take boards thus not "messing up" the pass rate. Apparently looking at strategies to ACTUALLY TEACH us the information is a bad idea. They are changing policies mid-semester. Changing requirements. Renigging on past statements. There is a testing program that they added last summer in addition to our regular classroom exams. It is supposedly a comprehensive test for each class that we take. They determined that we need to pass it w/ at least a 60th percentile score (which our director specifically said word for word last summer "this test will not hurt your grade. it will only help you pass boards"). Well, they are entering it into our grade this semester, counting it as the final. Not the percentile score but the actual percent correct. This is not a good thing. For example, in OB I got 94th percentile by getting 78% of the questions right. so i'd get a 78 as my grade for the final. In Peds I got a 61.5 (67th percentile). I didn't study AT ALL for that one. In Mental Health I got a 68.3 (83rd percentile). Again, didn't study. This is the "reason" they are doing it this way. We are not "taking advantage of this program." Well, the tests are nothing like boards. Studying all this material for these tests does not prepare you for boards. So, most of my classmates and myself have decided that we need to just take the test and hope we get over a 60th percentile. But, if you don't, you can do a remediation process that is no big deal. This has angered the director. So, this is her exacting her revenge. What it boils down to is that if you have lower than an 84 going into the final you'd have to blow the socks off the final to even stay above the 80% pass rate. Because look at my OB score. I knew that stuff. And still only got a 78. This is ridiculous. If they truly want pass rates to increase, then let's do something about preparing us for boards other than just more factual questions. Or even maybe get teachers who do things other than tell us what sentences to highlight. Most boards questions are critical thinking, prioritizing care kind of questions. Let's go over how to make those decisions. But, no, we can't just throw money to get that to happen. Not when we can just force the students to buy a $400 program that has stupid books, boring DVDs and irrelevant tests and use it to weed out the students that we should have taught all along.

In more positive news, I had a checkup today with my doctor re: weight loss. I lost 10 pounds this month. Holy crap. I really dreaded going in b/c I feel like I have gained weight. (and no, to answer your question, I do not weigh myself at home; when I do that, I end up weighing myself every day and getting crazy about minor fluctuations.) So, awesome. That's 67 pounds since last July. Go me.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day, the single girl's favorite holiday.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

2006-02-13T17:08:00.000-06:00

I had the first interview, got invited back for the second one. It went really well in my opinion. They are supposed to contact me sometime today to let me know. I'm having trouble doing much else because I just want to check and make sure the phone is working every 5 minutes. Sort of like high school when that one guy said he would call, except in that case he was out sleeping with one of my friends. I hope this doesn't turn out the same way.

Jobs, Death, Cars & Gmail

2006-02-07T00:08:00.000-06:00

I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW!!! They called me back about the LPN position in Family Services! Want me to interview on Wednesday afternoon. She was excited to see that I was applying because if I get the job they want to keep me on as an RN upon graduation. Yay! No pressure though, right? This is only my future here. I will commence freaking out here shortly. Especially because she mentioned that the second phase of the interview process involves the night shift workers in a group interview kind of gig. It seems a little weird to me that they get a say in the decision of whether or not to hire me. I sure hope that one of them wasn't in my class in 4th grade and I ignored her on the playground or something.

In depressing news, one of my former patients is dying. I heard through the home health grapevine that her parents had to make the decision to remove her life support this weekend. Please pray for her family.

My car finally messed up for my mechanic today! Usually I wouldn't be so excited that my car is messing up, but she's been on such good behavior for mechanics lately that I was beginning to think that I should go to a doctor for hallucinations rather than take her to a mechanic. But, she finally did it. And did it good. So, hopefully this is the first step in figuring out what the hell is wrong. It's about time. I spent almost $100 in gas this last week. This is not good when my job is scheduling me for 8 hours a week right now.

Also, I have a million (okay, 15) gmail invites. Anyone need one?

The one with the pictures, part 2

2006-02-02T16:07:00.000-06:00

I know that you must be just absolutely DYING to know what became of my pictures. You know, the fact that I couldn't find them? Well, I still can't find them on the CD, and I keep looking around for another CD even though I know I didn't make another CD. I guess I hope that maybe I just got drunk one night and decided to make a backup of all my pictures and that's why I don't remember ever using another CD. Riiiiiight. Like that's what I'd do if I got that drunk, as opposed to go dancing with young beautiful people who are 22 and pretend that I am also young, beautiful and 22 when in fact I am old, fat, and 29 with too-large pores and bags under my eyes. But, that's a story for another day, or maybe never.

Back to the topic at hand. The pictures did not make the transfer over from one hard drive to the other. I am kicking myself because while my hard drive was in fact failing, it made all the right squawking noises and failed all the right tests for the nice folks at Dell Customer Support to decide that it did indeed need to be replaced. But, then, as a miracle from God, it began working again, though it was very temperamental. But this gave me a chance to make sure I had all the files I needed backed up, etc. (I just realized I started the last two sentences with "but", my old English teachers must be so proud) So, you'd think with this "second chance" at ensuring I had the data I needed, something like this wouldn't have happened. However, that kind of statement doesn't take into account my stupidity.

God even gave me a second chance. Part of the warranty system with Dell is that you get the nice shiny new refurbished part and must return the old crappy dysfunctional one or you will be billed an exorbitant price for the replacement. So, I received the new part on a Friday. But, my computer was working correctly, and I didn't want to ruin that, so I was lazy and did not perform the transfer of hard drives for nearly 10 days. I finally switch them out, package up the old one and send it off. Now, a smart person would have pulled down that CD with the backup files and immediately transferred them to the new computer. Ha! I still haven't done that. I just stick it in the drive when I need one of them, because it's so much harder to drag and drop that file folder so it's there when I need it.

Ah, yes, the point of this, where did it go? I didn't do that. I didn't need any of those files, so I didn't look at the contents. How does this little side-story connect to the notion of a second chance? Because God sent my old hard drive back! The one that was still working when I sent it in, and so I could have simply removed the new one, put in the old one again, burned a CD of the pictures I wanted to keep and then called Dell to tell them they are morons for returning the old hard drive to me because they are too stupid to put the correct address on the pre-printed label!!! But, no, I hadn't looked at the CD, didn't know I didn't have the pictures, and so I just arranged again to have it picked up by UPS. Of course, I noticed the next day. I wondered if UPS had the ability to do a "stop delivery" similar to a "stop payment" option at the bank. Decided it would be too embarrassing.

So, after I mourned their loss for a while, I decided to get proactive. I could go through my sent email folder (yay! for once the fact that I never clean out my email pays off!!) and see if anyone still had a copy of my favorite pictures and while doing that realized that it saves all those files in there. (Thank you Yahoo! I will forget about all the propositions for mortgage refinancing and p*nis enlargement for a few minutes and appreciate you!) I am a prolific picture emailer. So pretty much all of my favorite pictures had been emailed to at least one person. I managed to save 55 of those old pictures that way. I vacillate between thrilled and slightly embarrassed that I had emailed 55 different pictures to people. I almost always end up back at thrilled. The only copy of the best hair day I've ever had was in there. And that alone is reason to celebrate.

Babies, Babies, Babies

2006-02-01T12:06:00.000-06:00

I'm exhausted today. I spent all day (as in from 7am to 9pm) yesterday helping a friend of mine take care of her 5 week old adorable, beautiful, sweet, precious twins while her husband was at work. Well, okay, we did that until 7pm then we went out for a margarita to celebrate my birthday and her ability to get out of the house. We made sure her husband was home before we left the girls though.

Babies are needy little creatures. Twins are more than twice as needy, in my opinion. I swear, I'd get one settled and one would be squawking. She woke her sister up from the blissful sleep-state I spent 20 minutes rocking her into. Have you ever tried to hold one baby and pick up another one? Kids that can support their own heads don't count. And God help you if one of them spits out their pacifier. I found myself wishing for a third hand all day. Now I understand why Jana was so glad to have me come help. I was the third hand.

Another shittacular day

2006-01-30T23:26:00.000-06:00

So, my little brother is getting married (not the shittacular part, I'm actually happy about that). On Sunday March 26 at 6pm 3 hours away. I found out today that I have clinical on Monday March 27 at 6:30 in the a of m, 150 miles from the wedding. Fabulous. (That is the shittacular part). This news came on the heels of my morning:

7:17 a.m. As I was leaving this morning for class (in the borrowed truck, which I appreciate), the oil light came on. Ever since my older brother burned up an engine due to underestimating the significance an oil light (I believe the quote was "I figured it'd get brighter if it was really important"), I fear doing the same thing in a moment of ignorance. The light doesn't stay on, but I'm still concerned (and fearing being late for class now, but the fear of ruining Dad's truck's engine wins out).

7:18 So, I turn around to go to a friend's shop (where my car is) because he is usually there by 7:00 am. Usually.

7:21 Not today. My plan had been either (a) he tells me its okay to drive it, nothing serious or (b) i leave it and take my car or his truck (we're good friends like that). So much for plans. So I take about 20 seconds and try to re-evaluate. Decide that checking the oil is probably a smart thing to do. Something a guy would have thought of a bit sooner, but there are no men here to witness my delay in thinking of it. It has plenty of oil. I will not tell you that I had to scrounge around to find something to wipe off the dipstick with...all i could find was a 1/2 roll of toilet paper that I threw in the truck, not because I use the bathroom frequently on the side of the road, but because I always forget to buy Kleenex and my nose has been running since about September. Is it bad to wipe off a dipstick with toilet paper? Does it get little particles on it like when I try to wipe the smudges off my bathroom mirror because I'm too lazy to walk the 10 steps into the kitchen and get a paper towel? I'll never know because I won't admit it to anyone who could tell me the answer to that.

7:26. I have to be in class, sitting in my chair by 8:00. It will take me 25 minutes to get there and I need to drop a time sheet for work on the way or I will not get paid on Friday. I'm a bit antsy. I call Dad. He mentions the "check the oil" thing. Figures he'd think of it so quickly. Then his only other suggestion is go to his house and borrow their suburban. I'm quickly running through vehicles these days, I'm not sure that's a good idea, but I'm desperate. And then, the clouds part, angels sing and my friend comes driving up.

7:32 He rechecks the oil. I'm slightly offended. But, hey, I don't think I'd trust me either. He is not moving with near the sense of urgency that I feel. He agrees, plenty of oil. Throws some technical lingo at me that I totally ignore as all I really care about hearing right now is "drive it" or "don't drive it." He says drive it.

7:37 I pull out, possibly throwing some gravel. Must get to class. This is only the third day with this teacher. Her biggest point the other day was: "I am a punctual person and I expect the same of you."

7:40 So, should I go ahead and try to drop off the time sheet? Probably not. I *might* make it as is. I turn on the radar detector.

7:43 Well, it's only about a block or so out of the way...and I just throw it in a drop slot....

7:48 She said "don't be late"

7:52 But I really need to get paid on Friday....otherwise I won't get paid for these hours until the *next* friday...

7:56 I get into town...am coming up on the corner where I either turn left to turn in the time sheet or right to go to class...

7:59 I park, after having dropped off the time sheet. I run about a block and half up to the building, run up the stairs.

8:02 The door is still open. Hallelujah! The clock in the classroom is a minute or two behind mine! Huzzah! I managed both! Of course, my blood has been replaced with pure adrenaline and my pulse is somewhere around 300 I think, but hey, I'm in a room full of student nurses, as long as they're not wearing crocs, I'm sure they'll take good care of me.

Was it the caramel Reese's cup at bedtime?

2006-01-30T01:24:00.000-06:00

So I had a very weird dream last night. There were four people working across the street, cleaning up brush or something I think. I saw them out there working, but didn't go speak because I was getting ready for a date. (now you can obviously tell this was a dream!) But, as I'm opening the door to let the dog out I see them pulling their truck forward and it had a big extension ladder of sorts on it. It clipped a branch and caused lots of debris to fall out of the tree, hitting and trapping all but one of the four people. I run out the door to go help, cell phone in hand. (how handy was that?) But, I get over there and the only guy left standing looks down and sees that I had slipped my crocs on and said that if I was stupid enough to come over and help in those shoes he didn't need my help. ???? I thought only my nursing instructors had that strong of negative emotions about crocs. So, I was extremely disappointed not to have been able to put some of my nursing skills to use, and walked home. I watched the fire trucks and ambulance(s) arrive and about that time this guy came to pick me up for my date. I have no idea why he was my date except that he was a topic of conversation with a friend of mine this week. I haven't seen him in at least 6.5-7 years and we never dated, weren't "friends", merely acquaintances. And he never even asked what was going on over there 1/2 a block from my house with firetrucks and ambulances! We start driving to somewhere, I presume to eat since that seems to be the popular date thing to do. I ask him where he lives/works now and he draws me a map....on my leg. Did my subconscious think that would be sensual? It was in ink. I am a weird person. He told me lived in some town called Camp and there was something about being 10 miles west of some town I swore I'd remember the name of so I could ask that friend if he really lives there, in which case I've found my true calling as a psychic. So, am I so desperate for a date that I create them in my brain? Or does my subconscious think I should have dated him 7-10 years ago? Or did the Reese's cup just mess with my head? You be the judge. But, I'll warn you, if you want to have me committed, it won't be voluntary. Oh, also, in case you were dying to know: the dream stopped there. I don't even know if we had a good date after the "leg-drawing" incident.

Freaking out

2006-01-29T23:24:00.000-06:00

My hard drive went out and had to be replaced. I swear I backed up my entire hard drive a few months ago just in case this happened....and yet when I put the cd in, it shows all my word documents, but not the pictures. I have looked all over the CD. No pictures. Did I lose them all????????????

How I will die...

2006-01-29T22:54:00.000-06:00

I followed a link to Death Psychic I saw on Chris' site...because his was amazingly related to him. I figured if it gave him "death by chess", there was no way it would do anything remotely related to my life since I have lived to the ripe old age of 29 without ever learning to play chess. (Interesting logic, I know) Alas, here is mine:

After an altercation with a resident of a retirement community, you are beaten with an oxygen tank and dragged through the complex by a convoy of personal mobility vehicles.
I'm going to go hide under the covers (but peek my head out to watch Grey's Anatomy).

Starting tomorrow, less of me

2006-01-28T23:23:00.000-06:00

So, since August I have lost 40 pounds. But, that was as of the end of November. The last two months I have not lost any, in fact I have gained a few back. You would think that I would have been so thrilled with the progress that I would have stuck firm with my diet and exercise and kept at it. Twas not the case. I fell off the wagon. I was doing the low-carb thing, elliptical and phentermine. Pretty much the only thing I'm still doing is the phentermine. This scares me. That, while on the phentermine I'm barely maintaining. I need to get back at it. Starting tomorrow. In the meantime, have you tried those new Reese's cups with caramel? The death of me, I tell you...If you are trying to lose weight, don't even try them. They are the nectar of the gods.

I hope they "latch on" to me

2006-01-27T23:23:00.000-06:00

So I found out that I do still work for the company. Right now my only hours are on Saturdays from 8a-4p, with a client who doesn't yell at me and call me bad names (yet). But regardless, I'm seeking other employment. Mainly because I want to work in OB when I graduate and it's easier to get into if you either already work for the hospital or at least have some OB experience. So, I applied for two jobs today.

One is an LPN position at a large hospital in the OB department as a lactation nurse. Yep, that means I'd get to go around and help women learn to breastfeed. As of now the only experience I have in this field is that I was breastfed. I have never worked in OB. I have not had children. I have watched other people breastfeed their kids, does that count??? The original listing said it required either certification or 1+yrs experience. But they removed those requirements. So, maybe they are just desperate enough to hire me. We'll see.

The other one I am almost qualified for. It is as an LPN in family services (OB plus pediatrics). And, I actually have pediatric experience! Yay!! It is a little farther away (65 minute drive vs. 45 minutes for the lactation position) but in an awesome hospital.

I'm keeping my nipples crossed.

Whiny McWhiner, Student Nurse

2006-01-26T01:22:00.000-06:00

So I just have to vent for a minute. ..

I started back to school this week. My last semester of nursing school. I'll wait for the applause to die down. Okay, so anyway. This semester is Advanced Med/Surg and we do a lot of clinical hours for it. Twelve 12 hour days. These are to be spent in critical care-type units such as ICU/CCU, CVICU, ER, etc. So, our instructor just assigned us to certain groups based on location (altogether not a bad concept, but I'm willing to drive 10 extra miles for the best experience). Ten lucky souls get to do all 12 days in 389-bed facility that has a 40 bed ICU/CVICU and a level-2 trauma center. The other twenty of us spend 6 days in a 367-bed facility with a 36 bed ICU/CVICU and a level-2 trauma center and the other 6 days in a 115-bed facility with a 7 bed ICU, no CVICU and a 4 bed, unranked ER. This seems reprehensible to me. Not only that we are doing advanced med/surg clinical rotations in such a small hospital with 10 students there at a time, but that the experience between the various students in the class is GUARANTEED to vary greatly. Now, don't get me wrong. I am aware that clinical experiences vary among students that go to all the same clinical days in the same hospitals. It depends on what kind of patient(s) you get that day. But, to virtually guarantee that we will have such different experiences seems just wrong. We all pay the same amount for the class (well, not all of us, some of us are not eligible for financial aid, but don't get me started on that).

Then, as if that's not enough, this small hospital has a policy that we have to be drug-tested before doing clinicals there. And, like most things in life, it ain't free. It costs $35 and guess who gets to foot the bill? That's right. Us. So, not only do I have to do 72 hours of clinical in podunkville, most likely sharing a patient with another student (or two), but I have to pay more money for this wonderful experience. I feel so blessed.

Amy and the no-good, horrible, very bad day

2006-01-25T23:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday. It was not a good day. I will go into the specifics of why the morning went badly later tonight when I explain what I found out about clinicals for this semester. I work for a home health agency as an LPN, providing care to pediatric patients. I had this patient that I worked with every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night (8p-6a) from late October until late December. He recently returned home from a hospital stay and needed care again. My company is a bit um, shall we say unorganized at the moment? The local office (the main office is a few hours away) had 3 employees. Two quit effective Monday. One was the one who does all the payroll and scheduling. The other was the main boss. You can see how this might create a bit of confusion around the office. So, I call in on Monday to see what my hours for this week will be. I am told my former client is back in town and needing care. We are short-staffed. What's new? Can I possibly work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in addition to my regular Fri/Sat/Sun? Oh, and they are 12 hour shifts instead of the regular 10. *Sigh* This didn't sound like fun, but I needed the money, so I agreed. So, yesterday morning (my birthday, remember?) I go to class until noon, go home, get a bit of a nap and go into work at 8. He was grumpy and uncooperative to say the least. It didn't matter what I did or said, it was W-R-O-N-G. There was yelling, cussing, and throwing of objects, none of which was done by me. Pinky swear. I tried to talk to him about it, thinking maybe he'd had a bad day and was taking it out on me. No dice. I'm not proud of this but after I tried to talk to him about effective forms of interpersonal communication (aka, please don't yell at me, if you'd like me to do things differently you could try asking me), I played the "this is my birthday you ingrateful little twit" card. Not exact words. I did not call him a twit. Or any other name other than his given name. Like my experience with most men, this did not get me anywhere. Eventually the conversation ceased because he didn't want to be a part of it anymore. We co-existed in silence for about 5 minutes, after which time he smiled at me and asked me for the TV remote. Sitcom writers could not have scripted it any more stereotypically. So, when I reported off to his mother today I told her I'm not coming back. Good luck getting someone else for the next 5 nights, but it won't be me. While they pay a good wage, it's not THAT good. So, I called the office and told her the same thing. They both took it fairly well. In fact, it would have been nice if either one had tried to convince me to stay. Make me think they liked me. So, I know I quit working in his house, but I don't know for sure if I quit the overall job. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

I never knew you were a pick-up man

2006-01-23T23:20:00.000-06:00

I'm driving my parents' truck right now. Well, not right now, but this week and indefinitely. My car is in the shop again. I cannot even begin to explain all the crap I've put up with the past 2 years. This time, despite the fact that over the last month the cruise control shuts itself off regularly, the wipers shut themselves off, the power steering shut itself off (it's electric not hydraulic), the headlights turned themselves off, the blinkers shut themselves off, the door chime has a weird twang about half the time, and most recently the little switch in the brake that engages to be able to shift out of park quit, Saturn refuses to work on it because it won't throw a code so they "don't know where to start." And of course, just like dogs and children, she won't do her tricks on demand. Only when it's dark and I'm at least 20 miles from home. Well, not always, it just seems that way. So, I took it to a friend who owns his own shop because (1) he is willing to try to fix it (2) he is confident he can fix it and (3) he is damn good. So, I'm driving the truck while he drives my car in the hopes that she will eventually act up for him. Please pray she does. I can't afford to get 12 miles to the gallon much longer.