Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm down with labor

So, I'm off orientation officially in Labor & Delivery. I still feel like an incompetent moron. And all the nurses keep telling me I'm doing great and no worries and I'm the best new one they've seen in years or ever or crap like that. And, rather than feeling honored and reassured I find myself thinking WHAT THE HELL?! I feel retarded. I have no idea how to do so many things. When I'm elbow deep I have trouble remembering what a 5 feels like, I can't estimate station to save my soul, I'm not sure yet when to get terribly alarmed about fetal bradycardia b/c I seem to keep over-reacting in other's opinions, etc, etc, etc. So if I'm the best, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF INCOMPETENT NURSES ARE THEY TURNING LOOSE OUT THERE? Anyway, had a frustrating pt and family last night on my first official night off orientation. Teenage mom, newly married to a boy who was 18 going on 12, both sets of parents there, a shitty strip, no pain tolerance. Luckily I work with an awesome bunch of girls who are SOO much help and very supportive. But, that doesnt remove the fact that at about 0200 I was ready to take a job cleaning toilets in a nursing home. So, who knows. Even on the good nights I'm not sure I like L&D like I thought I would. Did I like postpartum that much more or do I just like it more now because I don't feel retarded out there??
But, I can at least find a cervix now......usually.


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